Doctors Being Assholes Archive

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Important lesson

By Dr Killpatient | Filed in Doctors Being Assholes, Lessons and Such

Too all ER doctors out there I give you this advice:
If you have a patient that is sick and a consultant over the phone tells you a specific way to manage it that you think is completely wrong, don’t just do what they say. Especially when it is out of their field of expertise.
I had a patient nearly die because a certain private MD refused to let me perform an intervention that I thought was entirely indicated. I held out because the patient was stable at the time and I didn’t want to create an argument.
Sure enough, several hours later,while the patient was languishing in the ER waiting for a bed he coded and almost died.
I’m still beating myself up over this poor decision.

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How to Avoid Problems

By Dr Killpatient | Filed in Doctors Being Assholes

Top tip: if you’re an M.D. who does procedures on very entitled and rich patients who donate a lot of money to the hospital, it might be a good idea to actually return their phone calls when they contact your service to complain about something.
Having a nurse or PA just tell them to “come to the ER” and then still not be available when I call, is a surefire way to piss off the entitled patients, make them freak out and threaten to sue you even if technically you’ve done nothing wrong. You could’ve headed this off at the pass you dummy.

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Here’s How We Play

By Dr Killpatient | Filed in Doctors Being Assholes, Lessons and Such

Listen, if you’re the plastic surgeon on-call, you’ve got to take the good with the bad. Usually this means that you have to take the occasional significant, plastic surgeon-only case (like tendon lacs or parotid duct injuries) in an uninsured patient. In return, you get a bunch of simple insured, elective lacerations that you can charge a bajillion dollars for.
New take on this is an insured patient with a significant, multilayer, facial laceration that theoretically I could close ( albeit probably with a suboptimal cosmetic result) who specifically requests a plastic surgeon but happens to be 90 years old. If you piss and moan and refuse this case, guess what? I’m going to call in another plastic surgeon who will gladly take it and make plenty of money off it. Guess what you’re getting for the rest of my shift? Uninsured lacs that “I just don’t feel comfortable closing”. Most likely after 11 PM.

Payback is a bitch.

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No More Mr Nice Guy

By Dr Killpatient | Filed in Doctors Being Assholes

I have turned over a new leaf. No longer will I turn the other cheek when doctors talk down to me or are overtly rude. I’ve actually crossed the line a few times and have discovered lots of these bully doctors are do accustomed to being assholes that they are nearly dumbfounded when someone talks back and calls their bullshit.
They back down and don’t know what to do – just like schoolyard bullies.
You know what, if you are a dick to me, I’m giving it back. I don’t care if you are God’s gift to surgery or whatever. If you’re a tool, I’m calling you a fucking tool.
If I get fired (I doubt I will), it’ll be worth it. And there’re tons of other jobs out there.

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